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Step 8 A A: Making a List for Amends FHE Health FHE Health

In the making of an amend, be prepared for a variety of reactions including acceptance, indifference, or even outright hostility. It’s definitely central to respect the desires of individuals who opt out and to concentrate on your recovery, rather than on achieving forgiveness or easing personal guilt. Step 9 is about repairing relationships and includes actions such as apologizing to those harmed or making positive contributions to the community. It is put into practice through face-to-face interactions to address and mend the damages caused directly, head-on. Because of this it’s important to work through this step with your sponsor. To really forgive yourself and move on to your new life, you need to take responsibility for past actions and come to accept them.

  • But amends are so much more than just making a list and saying you are sorry, and this is where it becomes important to understand the difference between making an amends and making an apology.
  • Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts.
  • So, to truly make amends, we have to offer more than words.
  • Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.

Learning from Experience

Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. living amends When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice. Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal.

Ways to Make Amends in Recovery

  • While many people are receptive and supportive to attempts to make amends, some are not.
  • Many have walked this path before, and their wisdom can provide valuable guidance.
  • Are you looking for guidance on writing an AA amends script that effectively guides you along what can sometimes lead to uncomfortable, sticky situations?
  • Developing your amends script shouldn’t be an isolated endeavor.
  • When you make amends, the way you look and feel about situations changes.

You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness. We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try). But when I worked this step with my sponsor I realized that I had several issues that I didn’t even realize I needed to make amends about. The first being the alcoholics in my life, I had a part in their disease and didn’t know what I had done to them. I always thought that I had been making direct amends whenever I had injured others. I would apologize for my mistakes and pray about it to have the knowledge to not repeat my actions.

Understanding Outcomes

The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous – The Atlantic

The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Posted: Wed, 15 Apr 2015 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences.

  • The AA Big Book emphasizes the importance of being willing to make amends for the harm we have caused, while also avoiding causing further harm in the process.
  • For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.
  • When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm.
  • Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul.
  • You can even include your own name to acknowledge the self-harm you’ve caused and want to heal.

When making direct amends, it is usually best to do so after a sustained period of sobriety and while in a calm state of mind. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. The spiritual purpose of making amends is to find inner peace, freedom, release, and rebirth. While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends. Along with reinforcing new behaviors and outlooks, making amends can also reduce stress.

Understanding the Importance of Amends in AA

living amends aa

Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends